Last week..sigh

Last week was a series of falling off and getting back on the wagon.

I know I'm a serious emotional eater.  And that doesn't help me where I am now.

I started this week with another new resolve. And a new plan.

I used to make smoothies a lot. But I think they set me up to fail because I didn't get super full and then I was trolling the kitchen all afternoon looking for something to eat.

I don't do that on days we would go out to eat and get a big vat o' salad. So thanks to the scare about romaine being over, I bought two big bags of it (and boo coodles of salad veggies). And plan on eating a big vat 'o salad several times this week for lunch. It's easy and it keeps me away from the greens and fruit smoothies. Nothing wrong with them health wise..they are really good actually. But for right now and what I'm trying to do, I need to stick with the salads.

I made some homemade salad dressing similar to the salad place and I found a recipe online for  some vegan ranch. So hopefully I can enjoy my salads this week.

I did weigh this morning and I think by His grace to me alone, I lost a half pound.

Another thing I did differently this morning is spend *more* time in His word and with Him before I got the ball rolling on my day. I think that improved my outlook greatly today.

So there you have it. It's a new week. I hope I can curb my portions and 'be a good girl'. I really need to do it for my health..fat equals estrogen. And I really wanna fit back in my skinny jeans. 

WIAT weekend edition

I'm not going to recall everything I ate all weekend. Frankly I can't even remember. LOL

But I did great all day Friday until we stayed up late Friday night and I had a small snack. Grrrr.

Saturday was uneventful. No snacking. Woohoo.

Sunday I had my usual smoothie for lunch. And that is where the train went off the tracks. I didn't say just no to anything. I was still hungry after my smoothie and proceeded to eat (not unhealthy) all afternoon. I was so angry at myself. But I blame the smoothie. It just didn't fill me up. And it has protein in it and a ton of other stuff. But still...just a glass of liquid. Not super filling.

Flash back to Saturday..we have been eating at a new salad place in fancy town near us. Basically you go through the line like a Subway and they build your salad, plus they have soups and wraps too. But it's super good. But ya know what's the most interesting...they serve it in a huge stainless steel bowl. It's gigantic. The first time I ordered one, I thought surely I would not be able to finish it. But guess what..I did. And I was full.

So maybe next Sunday, I need to plan on making myself a big vat of salad and actually getting full on greens, veggies and protein..rather than greens, banana and berries (and protein powder). So that's my plan for next weekend and hopefully I will be full after lunch..and after taking the time to eat a giant salad..takes a lot of time and a lot of chewing..neither of which happen when you drink a smoothie..just sayin'.

And tomorrow is Monday..and new day and a new week. Not giving up. I'm learning and I hope to do better in the future. :)

WIAT

This morning I had my usual chia, oats and FOCC breakfast..and ate it all. Woot.

Lunch was left overs from last night, redone. I used the turkey and added apple and a little mayo to make 'chicken salad' and had the squash and a slice of the fake cornbread.

Dinner was turkey 'fried rice' with lots of veggies and a little quinoa on a bed of romaine. I ate plenty and got full.

I had a little kraut this afternoon. And some green drink powder with my tea at dinner.

No cheating and no snacking. But I really need to lay off of the fats. I put fat on my lunch today like crazy..I stayed full..but I'm sure it's not helping me lose weight. So yeah.  Hoping I see a tiny bit of progress just from not eating anything between meals. That would be a nice encouragement to see the scale move just a tiny smidge. We will see over the weekend or maybe Monday. Not sure what day I want to weigh in.

little observation

So a little observation...I think I am so determined not to eat 'outside the lines'..no snacking, that I am going a tiny bit overboard during my meals. I'm not stuffing myself, but I think I'm adding some extra fats in etc that I don't really need. They aren't 'bad' per se..but might not be conducive to losing weight.

Case in point..the faker corn bread I made yesterday. It's mostly healthy shortening, almond and coconut flour..fat fat fat. And I ate it with fat on top.

And I made some butternut squash and ate it with...fat. Ugh.

Again..not 'unhealthy' but I probably need to JUST NO on those extra fats if I think I'm going to get any of this FAT off my bod.

So! Gonna be focusing on being mindful of the fats. Adding in more veggies and less fatty stuff. I don't know if I'm excited or dreading weighing at the end of this week to see what, if anything, positive happened..in light of the fat fat fat. BUT at least I am seeing and can change course and perhaps get some success.

Did go walk this morning..and did a little interval running. Go me. It was a pretty ok walk.

WIAT

Today I had my usual FOCC breakfast which was yum and I ate it all. It's not a super huge breakfast but its really filling.

Lunch was broc and carrot in the food processor, mixed with some FOCC, some left over taco meat for the protein and some faker Against All Grain 'corn' bread. I had one slice and put a little bit of honey on it.

Dinner was turkey tenderloin, a piece of ezekial bread and some roasted butternut squash. I put some fat on the squash..coconut oil and palm. It was really good and really filling.

I didn't have a snack, although I almost did, absentmindedly a couple times. But JUST NO and I went on with my day. I did have some milk and chocolate green drink..super healthy and the milk is filling. So that is sort of a snack but the green drink is nutrition, so I don't count that. :) 

I think I will get a little bit of kraut and eat it in a few minutes. Kraut isn't bad for me..it has healthy gut stuff..and its not high in calories..and the serving isn't huge. It's a good part of my overall health and I happen to think its yummy.

WIAT (what I ate today)

One of the things I want to do is journal "what I ate today" in an effort to keep track of just that..what I ate today. It will be a way to keep me accountable as far as my meals, and hopefully my lack of snacking. ; )

This morning, I had my usual breakfast, which was my FOCC (flax oil, cottage cheese) with 1/8 cup of oats and unsweetened almond milk and chia. I also grind some flax seeds for the top. And I eat it all every time. YUM.

Lunch was a lentil vegetable salad..heavy on the veggies and light on the lentils..plus some lean chicken protein.

Dinner will be mexican ground turkey, some black beans and veggies. I may eat some avo but I hope not. I am quite motivated so I really don't think I will over eat tonight.

I hope to hop in here most nights and document what I ate, just to keep track and keep me saying 'just no' to eating more than I need to eat.  These posts will be short and to the point...just like this one. :)

Ps...the girl and I went to the mall and did some walking today since the gym is closed. It is freaky cold outside and it was miserable getting out but it felt good to walk. And I also got a new fuzzy winter top. I'm cycling through the couple of very warm tops I have and our weather isn't letting up.

Just no!

It's been a while. A lot of water under the bridge. A year or so after I started this blog and let it die..along with any inkling of losing weight, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I radically changed my diet and the weight FELL off. I went from my heaviest weight ever to just about my wedding weight. And I enjoyed that weight for close to five years.

But I learned how to snack healthily and that I *could* eat more and not technically be bad for my cancer. (I don't eat sugar or processed anything). And that is where I got into trouble.

Y'all. I could eat salted nuts or baked gf chips til the cows come home. And it shows.

I have been thinking I gotta get these pounds back off. Thankfully it's only about 15 pounds this time. At my previous writing in 2010, it was more like almost 50 pounds that needed to come off. I have put it off and started and stopped and made a tiny step forward and went back to the nuts and guac.

Yesterday I put on some jeans that used to fall off. They were tight. I almost got sick thinking about it. Everything in my new size is tight..and now this old pair of jeans is too.

Last night I was thinking my new phrase should be...JUST NO. Just no to snacking. Just no to that extra nibble. Just no to eating a little more than I need to eat. Thankfully I said my final 'just no' to junk food years ago. So this time, it's just about eating less and making better portion size choices.

I hope by documenting, I can keep myself accountable. So this morning I weighed 115. I know that isn't huge..but it's huge on me. I really need to hover around 100 first thing in the morning. So let's start there.

I've been encouraged to keep a journal, so this is it. To keep myself accountable on my eating..as well as my walking that I do on my own during the week.

Just no...let's go! : )

a semi unprogress’y report

I haven’t posted here so I guess I should give a little update. There isn’t much to post. I’m not gaining, which at this point, is welcome news. But I’m not losing either. Life has been stressful. I need to just resign myself that life will always be stressful for one reason or another and let go of the excuse of using food for a crutch when life isn’t perking along perfectly.

I need to start working out. I hate doing that in the winter time. It’s cold in the house, so I wear warm clothes. And then my body heats up and I’m hot. But if I started out in shorts, I’d be freezing to death.  Hello.. another excuse. 

I guess it’s a plus that I can see through myself so well, though. I was reading this week in John when Jesus is about to be crucified and Jesus knows Judas’ heart even when all the other disciples couldn’t figure out which one of them was going to betray Jesus. And that really struck a cord with me.. HE KNOWS ME and my heart and any excuse I might try to pass off for being lazy when it comes to this.

I’m thankful that He knows.. but at the same time *I* know I need to get off my tail end and get busy on the Wii…and stay away from the snack cabinet!  : )

undeserved grace

This hasn’t been the best week. I was watching Oprah the other day and she was talking about dieting and she said the first day you’re all “this is great, I can do this” and then the second day comes and you’re a little less enthusiastic and then the third day comes and you eat a cheeseburger.

That’s kind of how I feel this week.  I don’t feel overly motivated. I’ve cheated a couple of times. I wasn’t thrilled about that.  But even when I cheated I tried to do it carefully. I ate some wheat thins with great northern bean ‘hummus’ off and on this week for my ‘snack’. One thing I’ve noticed is that I cannot go from lunch to dinner without eating something.  I get all pang’y and just want to eat everything in sight. And it makes me a little sick after a while too.  So I’ve been trying to build in snacks.  The hummus thing is one. And a few wheat thins with a very thin layer of peanut butter us another.  But I have to be careful and stop before I’ve eaten the whole box! : )

Having said all of that, I about passed out when I looked at the scale this morning.  I was down by 1.5.  I don’t feel like I deserve it.

Maybe it’s God’s grace to be an encouragement. : )

not so strong out of the gate

My hubs and I do our weigh-in on Saturday morning. He  ‘only’ lost a pound.  I didn’t lose anything.  *sad face*

I’ve noticed that I am having a hard time distinguishing when I’m ‘just’ full and not stuffed. It was such a habit to overeat for me that it feels like I’m always hungry… although there were times that I clearly felt ‘hunger pangs’ so the feeling is there. It’s just finding that middle ground at mealtime.  Eat then stop when I’m comfortable.  Having trouble finding that.

I have also made a couple of not so wise meal choices as well.  When I did Weigh Down before, I was much younger and I think more able to eat ‘whatever’ in between hunger and fullness and still have some success. Now that I’ve some more years attached to me, I’m not so sure it’s going to be that easy.

I’m thinking I might need to get out the Wii and get moving.

Saw this the other day and it made me laugh.

Don’t think I’ll need any wedges…. or a baton!

not my best day

This is not my best day. I hate it that I'm having such a cruddy day so soon into this thing.

Rats rats rats!

I did really good until later in the day. I think I let myself get a little too hungry before dinner and then I didn't sloooow down while eating it.

Aaaaand I forgot to use the itty bitty plate.

BIG mistake.

BIG meal.

And seconds.

Rats rats rats!

But tomorrow is another day. I don't have to wait until next week to start all over. I can start all over right now. So that's what I'm doing.

Just so ya know... I think I've already lost since I started this toward the end of last week, so at least today isn't totally discouraging.

a rare sighting

Half eaten candy.

As I was taking a picture of this, Boo didn’t even want to believe that it was possible for me to eat part of a bag of candy. I’ve been nibbling on this bag for several days now and it’s probably a little over halfway full.

*******

A question… this blog.. the diet devoted one. Now that I feel like I’m up and rolling, I’m not sure that I will able to sustain this blog. I don’t know how often I will be updating. It felt like I had a lot to say at the gitgo but now I’m not so sure.

Would I be better off just rolling this content into the regular blog and perhaps updating once a week or something?

Thoughts???

mainstream dieting

I don’t really know where to start. So kind of like some other posts… ok.. ALL my posts.. I’m just going to jump in and ramble see how it goes.

Like I said before, I haven’t done much dieting. But I’ve done a lot of research.

I’ve researched the South Beach Diet. I think it’s probably one of the best out there, especially from a health perspective. My issues with that diet are the heavy dependence on nuts and dairy. My delicate little system also can’t handle so little carbs along with so much fiber. ‘Nuff said.

I’ve researched The Zone Diet. I think it’s also one of the best out there. But boy is it complicated. Every food is put into blocks and so you have to know the block amount for every single thing eaten and there has to be a certain ratio of things as well. I read more than one book about it and bought a counter book and it was just so overwhelming I never even started that one. ‘Nuff said.

And I’ve known people who’ve done Weight Watchers. Some have been successful and others have not. I don’t blame the diet. I think if you do it, it’s possible to lose weight. But again, I’ve never done it. There is a lot of stuff to keep track of… looking from the outside in, that is. Figuring out how to read labels and figuring out what you can and can’t eat etc. I think I’d probably run out of points before I ran out of day just because I struggle with portion control.

One of the big ‘things’ with all of these diets is the food itself. There is something special about the food. You can have this but you can’t have that. You can only have this much or that much. You can have this or that for a snack. The food. The food. The food. What can I eat? When can I eat? How much can I eat? When can I eat again? Snacks? It says I can have a snack, so I’m eating a snack. And so it goes.

The focus is also on ME. All this focus on the food just keeps me obsessed with eating.. when can I do it.. how much can I have etc. And that doesn’t help me break my worship of food at all. It does nothing to change the problem in my heart that got me here in the first place.

So with the WDD, the focus isn’t even on certain foods. Nothing is forbidden (according to ‘the diet’ that is). The focus is on eating in the parameters of hunger and comfortable fullness.

Also, the other ways I’ve attempted to diet have caused problems with the grocery budget, because I was having to buy special foods just for me. And then it’s hard at mealtime because I would be having to modify what I ate to some extent. It’s just very tiresome to feed the family while doing that.

This way, I’m eating what everybody else in the house is eating. I’m just eating less.

*******************

As I ate lunch today, I was talking to my husband about one thing the book says that is sort of comical when you think about it, but true. I can eat until I’m full and I should not panic or be bothered if I leave food on my plate. Hunger will come again. I will get to eat again. So the notion of needing to eat like I’m never going to see food again is kind of be funny, when I think about it. That thought helps me slow down and enjoy the little bits I’m eating. I’m not in a race to get all the food on my plate down as fast as possible. I can slow it down (and chew and savor). It’s ok. : )

the mascot

A couple of nights ago as I sat down to eat dinner, my hubs said he knew what I needed and left the table. When he came back, this is what he had.

Just seeing this little beanie baby made me go all ‘awwww’ and everything. You see, Bub was given this doggie during radiation. And of course, I’ve kept it nearby. (hubs snatched it off my dresser) But then hubs reminded me of his name…

Tiny! We all laughed at that. (and it took me 6 or 7 shots to be able to read the tag.. very tricky shot for a little point and shoot!)

I want to be tiny(er).

My plate is tiny.

My portions are tiny.

Hopefully my tummy (inside and out) will be tiny(er) too.

So Tiny still sits on the dining table.

****************

I checked out The Weigh Down Diet book the other day.

It’s been good to have a refresher on a lot of things. I used to have this book, along with the workbook and tapes from doing the study at church. That was so long ago that I’ve tossed all of it. So I was glad my library carried the book.

One of the things she talks about is a typical meal. And one word kept coming up during reading that I had forgotten about.

Dissecting.

I remembered about eating half. I remembered only eating the best looking chips and breaking one chip in pieces to eat it. And I even remembered eating one M&M in about 15 minutes by letting it truly melt in my mouth and then popping it open by pressing it against the roof of my mouth and letting all the warm chocolate ooze out. But I had forgotten about dissecting.

So today I put that back into practice. We ate lunch at McAlister’s. I got a half sandwich and a bowl of chili. I ate part of the sandwich. There was a lot of bread there, and not all were the choicest bites. I tore off bread bites that would be ‘just bread’. I hate dry bread bites. And as I ate slowly, I realized the half sandwich was looking bigger and bigger. So after a while, I opened my sandwich and ate the meats out with the toothpick that comes in it to hold it together. Then I ate a few bites of the pickle that come on the plate. I ate a little bit of the chili with the four crackers that came with it. I like cracker in every bite, so I broke up the cracker so I had a lot of mini-bites. I drank some of my tea and I was comfortably full. Of course, every meal put into practice looks different, but that gives you an idea.

I haven’t forgotten about the mainstream diet post. Stay tuned. : )

a visual aid

These are my plates.

Hub’s plate is on the left.

Mine is on the right.

Yep… it’s a breakfast plate.

But it really does help keep the portions lower. And then when I sloooow down to eat, I feel better at the end. Satisfied and yet I don’t feel like I starved myself either. My plate was ‘full’.

Tiny, but full.

the plan

So I guess it’s time to let you in on my little plan. I think there will be some rambling here as I sort my thoughts, so be patient. : )

The first diet I ever did was the Weigh Down Diet. Basically the physical mechanics of this diet are:

• eat half of your normal portion at each meal
• do not eat if you are not hungry
• wait for physical hunger to kick in before eating anything
• eat slowly, put your fork down between bites, and drink during the meal

But there is a whole other layer to this approach, which is the best part. When I used this diet before, it was very eye opening to me just how much I was using food to fill a void in my heart that only God can fill. And I think through the years, I tend to forget as I nibble a little here and eat a little extra there that eventually I’m right back where I started - using food in a way it was never intended to be used. It can become kind of like a god to me. I think about it. Crave it. Want it. Wonder when I can rendezvous with it the next time. Enjoy it’s company when I’ve had a bad day. Do you get the picture here?

Having said that, there are some things in the WDD that I don’t really agree with. She says to eat ANYTHING you want, as long as it falls under the parameters of hunger and polite fullness. Including bacon and chocolate. As a matter of fact, when I did this diet the first time, I tested out the bacon theory and ate about a pound of bacon within a few days. And yes, I did lose weight that week, just like all the others.

I certainly don’t recommend eating bacon. But on the other hand, I am not saying I totally avoid it either. Just keepin’ it real here girls. What I am saying is that I want to use these eating guidelines along with the idea of making smarter choices at the table in the first place.

I am planning on using the parameters of hunger and polite fullness to be my guide as I strive to eat less. I am also going to try to do without snacking. Most of the time I was just eating and wasn’t hungry… so unless I am HUNGRY, I will try not to snack. Like last night… I did have a snack later after dinner…but I had eaten a very light dinner and was feeling a hunger pang. I didn’t want to wake up feeling awful because I went to bed already hungry, so it is ok to eat a little something. So I did.

One of the things she encourages with this diet is to run to God and let HIM fill you through prayer and His word when you’re wanting to eat just to eat and aren’t hungry.

*A disclaimer: I am not a total fan of the Weigh Down Diet. Nor am I a “Gwen Shamblin groupie”. I know she has some spiritual ideas that many find questionable and I’m not going to get into that. I am just taking bits and pieces of what worked for me…both physically and spiritually… along with common sense to create something that I hope will work for me.

Next time… my issues with mainstream dieting, and the head games that go along with them.

something new

I decided to start this new little bloggy because I didn’t think many people would want to listen to me ramble on about what I did or didn’t eat every day..or so…on my regular blog. But I need a place to figure things out, and this seems to be as good a place as any.

I grew up skinny. I was 100 pounds when we got married. Enter a couple of pregnancies and a lot of stressful events and you get the idea.

I had never been on a diet until I had Bub. When he was a baby I started a diet called The Weigh Down Diet. It was very successful and very fast.

The years went by and of course, the pounds came back. So over the years, I’ve read about or tried many diets. I did ‘low fat’ for a while. I had no idea how to do it, since I had never (really) dieted before. And a friend told me that all I needed to do was read the fat grams on a package and keep that low (ignoring the calories) and I’d be fine. Guess what… I didn’t lose any weight. If anything, I gained it.

I’ve read about Weight Watchers, but don’t like attending the meetings. And I’ve read about South Beach but a lot of that diet is dependent on not eating a lot of carbs and adding in a good bit of dairy and nuts. That doesn’t work for me.

So I’ve struggled and tried and failed and given up and started all over countless times. And here I am again.

I have a new plan. I’ll explain that next time.